Riven Is Not Allowed to Do
by Penguin Voodoo
Summary: After a few years of 'experience', Riven decides he should compile a list of all the crazy things he's done but should never replicate. T for a reference or two.


**Well, well, I was inspired. There was one of these lists in another fandom, and in the Winx fandom, there's "How to Annoy" people lists. Therefore, I make my own. **

**I'm going to use Riven. He's the sort who seems like he could do some weird stuff. **

**Enjoy. I'll buy Winx Club when I'm older, but not now. There are 53. **

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**Riven Is Not Allowed To:**

1. I must stop fingering random fairies' wings, and asking, "Plastic or cloth?"

2. I must also stop saying, "Spandex senses tingling!" whenever we're in uniform at Red Fountain.

3. The witches simply levitate. They do not have invisible wings, anti-gravity clothes, drink helium drinks, or use the power of belief.

4. I'm not allowed to pretend to be from Eraklyon, push Sky off a cliff, and then tell Bloom that I planned to jump after him to get my Enchantix but chickened out at the last moment.

5. Tecna does NOT have access to all the future Apple products, so I should stop asking.

6. The Whisperian crystals are not and were never meant to be jewelry.

7. Baltor is not from the Victorian era, and does not know Charles Dickens personally.

8. I am not allowed to lure Baltor onto Earth and then tell him the "Twilight Saga" is a set of extremely powerful spellbooks.

9. The Trix do not work for the Trix bunny.

10. Knut may be the same color as bronze, but he cannot be used as currency.

11. Flora's plants are not genetically modified, so I can stop lecturing her about the dangers of cancer.

12. Having Pepe the duck call me "Papa!" is bad enough.

13. Replying, "Son, be nice to your mother" is truly asking for it.

14. If Musa starts worrying about her voice, telling her "Autotune solves everything!" will end up in another break up.

15. Autotuning myself will not impress her either.

16. Inviting Mirta over for pumpkin pie is just cruel.

17. Icy is not a limited edition Barbie doll, so I should stop asking how much she costs.

18. Helia does not take commissions. He takes requests.

19. However, he will refuse to draw "the Rivenator" because it is his "right as an artist".

20. Being the "number one princess in the whole wide world" will not intimidate Helia into submitting either.

21. Red is manly. "Light red with a touch of white" is not.

22. The Disenchantix is for girls. I'm a guy.

23. Same goes for the Gloomix. I cannot ask the Trix to sell it to me either.

24. Bloom, Musa, Flora, and Darcy are all very different girls, but none of them will appreciate me trying on their clothes, no matter how smashing I look in a midriff showing top and dress.

25. Dressing up in a skimpy top and a short skirt will not make me a fairy.

25. Just because Stella, as the fairy of the sun, can control visible and ultraviolet light does not mean she can auto-microwave my food or give me a free tan.

26. The dragon who created the universe is not named Puff.

27. Icy and Stormy were not originally weather adoptables.

28. It is not funny to tell Knut that Stella's closet is the last remaining broom closet in the whole universe, and that the clothes are simply cleaning cloths.

29. When I organize the Annual Scavenger Hunt at Red Fountain, I must not put "Codex Piece" on the list.

30. Marriage to the Megatrix is not a joking matter. I should stop telling Sky to try it.

31. Asking Baltor to recommend some foundation brands will result in confusion.

32. "A big happy group hug" will not keep the Trix and Baltor from attacking me.

33. Enveloping those four in a group hug is asking for an early death.

34. When someone calls me Ribbon, I must bear it calmly or Musa will break up with me.

35. I should not invite Baltor to a tea party at Linphea and them push him into the waterfall.

36. It is not funny to create a mental link with someone and then send them extremely scarring pictures of fanart.

37. When Saladin passes around the suggestion box for "Improvements", "Banning Blond Eraklyonians" will be ignored.

38. When Alfea passes around the suggestion box, I should not write, "Allow pink haired specialists inside the dorms."

39. I should not even think about putting anything into Cloud Tower's box, much less "Pink is the new black".

40. "My ex-girlfriend was a Cloud Tower girl" is not a valid excuse.

41. Misplacing one of Musa's metronomes in a dark place and letting every one think it's a bomb is an extremely tacky idea.

42. Complimenting Nabu's braids and then asking him to "braid mine" will scare him away. He will also tell Layla, who will tell Musa, who will reconsider my sexual orientation.

43. Nabu will not fall for "I would like to try vine whip."

44. Grabbing handfuls of Stormy's hair at random times is asking for it. "It's so puffy!" is not an excuse.

45. I should probably refrain from publishing pamphlets on how to pick up girls, namely evil witches and scarred fairies.

46. Being a matchmaker is nowhere near my true calling.

47. I should not recommend plastic surgeons to Lucy.

48. No one will believe me if I tell them the witches nearly gave me a bit of the dragon fire and only betrayed me when I thought I had to grab it myself and it took forever to get my hand out of Icy's throat.

49. Dressing up as Saladin and telling Helia to do the homework of all the pink haired people works one time and one time only.

50. You know, even if I'm a guy, and he's trying to kill me, Baltor takes proposals of marriage very seriously.

51. Galatea does not find it funny when I sing 'Here Comes the Bride, All Dressed in White" when she walks by.

52. Helia sleeping is not an excuse for me to cut his hair off.

53. Actually, I must not cut any one's hair off when they're sleeping.

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**I'm done! Drop a review, if you will!**


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